The Ardbeggean Union of Scaffies

Worker’s Bill of Rights

Preamble

We, the proud Scaffies of Camp Crescendo, hereby establish this Bill of Rights to ensure fair treatment, respect, and recognition for all members of our union. Sponsored by the venerable Ardbeg Scotch, we embrace the spirit of camaraderie and hard work that defines our noble calling. As we sweep, set up, and manage waste with the precision and care of a fine Scotch, we lay forth the following rights for all Scaffies. And remember, mates, June 7th is International Scaffies Day—mark it on your calendars and let’s celebrate in true Scaffie style!

Article I: Right to Scotch

Every Scaffie shall receive fair access to delicious Scotch. Remember, where there's smoke, there's Scaffies!

Article II: Right to Safe Working Conditions

No Scaffie shall work in unsafe or unsanitary conditions. Proper equipment, protective gear, and regular safety checks must be provided. Safety first, second, and third—because no one wants to end up in the bin they’re emptying!

Article III: Right to Adequate Breaks and Rest

Scaffies are entitled to regular breaks and a reasonable amount of rest. Break areas must be clean, comfortable, and stocked with refreshments, including a dram of Ardbeg for those of legal drinking age. After all, even the best broom needs a break! Shhhhhhh Scaffies are sleeping.

Article IV: Right to Respect and Dignity

All Scaffies shall be treated with respect and dignity by fellow workers, supervisors, and camp attendees. Any form of harassment, discrimination, or disrespect will not be tolerated and will be addressed with the utmost seriousness. We may sweep the floors, but we won’t be swept under the rug!

Article V: Right to Proper Tools and Supplies

Scaffies shall be provided with all necessary tools and supplies to perform their duties effectively. This includes brooms, dustpans, trash bags, recycling bins, gloves, swag, smoke, scotch, air conditioning, and any other equipment required to maintain cleanliness. The right tool for the right job, because we’re not magicians—just Scaffies.

Article VI: Right to Training and Development

New Scaffies shall receive thorough training to ensure they understand their tasks safely and efficiently. Opportunities for further development and skill enhancement shall be made available to all members. Every Scaffie deserves the chance to rise to the top of the rubbish heap!

Article VII: Right to Representation

The Ardbeggean Union of Scaffies shall have elected representatives to voice concerns, negotiate on behalf of the union, and ensure that the rights outlined in this Bill are upheld. Regular meetings shall be held to discuss issues and improvements. We’ve got each other’s backs (and brooms)!

Article VIII: Right to Raise Concerns

Scaffies have the right to raise concerns about the adherance of Camp cleanliness and recycling standards without fear of retaliation. Speak up, Scaffies—no one should have to sweep their problems under the carpet!

Article IX: Right to Environmental Stewardship

As stewards of the environment at Camp Crescendo, Scaffies are committed to sustainable practices. We have the right to enforce recycling, proper waste management, and other eco-friendly initiatives to protect our surroundings. We’re green at heart, and since we're Ardbeggean, sometimes even our uniforms are too!

Article X: Right to Celebration and Recognition

The hard work and dedication of Scaffies shall be recognized and celebrated. Regular social events, recognition awards, and the inclusion of Scaffies in camp festivities are essential to honoring our contributions. Let’s raise a glass (of Ardbeg, naturally) to all the Scaffies, especially on June 7th—International Scaffies Day. Cheers, mates!

Conclusion

With the strength of our union and the spirit of Ardbeg Scotch, we Scaffies stand united in our mission to keep Camp Crescendo clean, safe, and enjoyable for all. We pledge to uphold these rights and support each other in our duties, ensuring that our work is valued and our voices heard.

Cheers to the Scaffies! And don’t forget, even though we spend all week making Camp shine, June 7th is our evening to shine!